Finding the stone

Sometimes it comes to this time of night and I'm thinking 'wouldn't it be nice to just get into bed now but oh, I haven't written today's small stone'. Reviewing the moments in my day to select one out of all those thousands, a sudden mental image of sperm racing to reach the egg and be the one! Searching for which experience I can dig it out of, polish it up and shine a light on?

Is there a gem hiding in the way I woke in the morning, remembered there was no rush to get up, the comfort of how warm and soft the bed, the blade of daylight at the edge of the curtain.

Or in the hot luxury of the shower, noticing a small black slug stuck to the white tiling and trying to guide the torrent around it.

In the inability to make a decision, standing, staring at numerous watches in a shop, how ridiculous, just pick one, any one, they all tell the time! Pressure of time ticking away, and by the time I've sucked myself out of the black hole, I'm too late, I've missed the meeting for the walk on the beach in the sun with the dog.

Going home feeling crap and instead of losing myself in Facebook, or e-mails, I make a decision. A decisive moment to stay with the discomfort. Thank you Pema Chodron. To sit on the rug and stay with myself, meditation, yoga, it's been a long time! And it feels right.

Or later, sitting at the machine, sewing waves into the sea, an experiment of stitches, not how I planned it but becoming whatever it is, and taking me there - a beach at night and the rolling of water holding its secrets.

That only takes me up to half way through the afternoon and doesn't mention the way the dog curled up on the bed, twitching her eyebrows or the steam rising from that mug of lavender and lemon balm tea making my cheeks warm, or the way the radio news made my heart feel heavy and the chat with my friend lifted it up again. Or the moment of gleeful satisfaction this evening as we played Scrabble and I laid three letters across a triple word score and remembered how much I love this language.

Skipping quickly, everyone else in the house already asleep, I find my stone, where it is always found... here and now:

My fingers tapping letters on this keyboard
which take my thoughts out to the world,
because this is another way to touch.
I will never stop being astonished
and I will never be certain of anything.